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kevinson55
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To My Dearest Wife
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: To My Dearest Wife ( 550 )
Gunner
TE Members
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Karma: +17/-4
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To My Dearest Wife
«
:
August 30, 2005, 06:47:58 AM »
To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
We will wake the kids - 54 times
It's too late - 15 times
I'm too tired - 42 times
It's too early - 12 times
It's too hot - 18 times
Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
The neighbors will hear - 9 times
Headache or backache - 26 times
Sunburn - 10 times
Your mother will hear us - 9 times
Not in the mood - 21 times
Watching the late show - 17 times
Too sore - 26 times
New hairdo - 6 times
Wrong time of the month - 14 times
You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby
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To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times
Did not come home at all - 36 times
Did not come - 21 times
Came too soon - 38 times
Went soft before you got it in - 19 times
Cramps in your leg - 16 times
Working too late - 33 times
You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times
Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times
You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times
You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times
You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife
Spikeroo
Guest
Re: To My Dearest Wife
«
#1 :
August 30, 2005, 08:10:47 AM »
Quote from: Gunner on August 30, 2005, 06:47:58 AM
You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times
The winner with 42 votes...LOL...shame on you Gunner for male bashing...
"So waz da bitches problem? - I still can't figure it out!"
Cole
Guest
Re: To My Dearest Wife
«
#2 :
August 30, 2005, 09:17:52 AM »
LOL. Gunner, you're wife is pretty funny...
diEsoOn
Forum Enthusiast
Karma: +0/-0
Offline
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I know The Elders Rules me!
Re: To My Dearest Wife
«
#3 :
August 30, 2005, 09:32:41 AM »
Let's rush hard and die soon!
Paladin_Godfather
Inactive
Godlike
Karma: +5/-1
Offline
: 1565
Life's short.... Stunt it
Re: To My Dearest Wife
«
#4 :
August 30, 2005, 06:36:16 PM »
your mother in law was in the same room with you??
Can you dig it, SUCKA?!
Never! Damn the broccoli, Damn you, and Damn the Wright brothers!!
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